On August 20, 2011 it will be 7 years since I found a tumor in my body.
Lately I have been thinking about life, survival, suffering, and death. And I came to some conclusions. Below is my reasoning.
For me one hour when I feel “normal” is worth fighting for. I may have spent months or even a year in agony to get there. But an hour or a whole “normal” day feel like precious gifts to me. These “normal” hours and days are few and far apart. But they have always been worth the suffering while getting there.
A chat or a dinner with friends feels like a birthday celebration. A walk with my nephews fills me up with joy for weeks. A journey by car through the countryside is a treat. It feels like heaven when I can swim for half an hour or even more.
I just want to stay in this world to learn, to teach, to enjoy food, to listen to new music and see new art and design. I wish to be here for others to help, to share my experiences.
I want to be here when my parents need me.
I would like to see my nephews and nieces to graduate their universities and become responsible adults. I want to be available if they need help.
I would like to create a few more memories together with my husband whom I met when I already had my cancer.
I would like to achieve my professional goals.
I want to contribute.
I wish to stay for a bit longer.
And my answer is YES, life is worth suffering and fighting for.
I have heard countless times following comment about a person who died after a long disease: “At least she/he does not need to suffer any more”. Please, think before you make that comment.
I would strongly dislike if someone would even consider that I would wish for death to relieve me of my suffering. As I see it, the level of suffering I am willing to endure in order to continue to live is my decision.
Would you like to share your opinion on this topic? Please, use our forum.
The picture on the left was taken just after I finished a 12-months long chemo in July 2010. It took another whole year to recover after the chemo. 2 years of uncertainty. It was worth it. You can see on the picture to the right that this summer I have been able to enjoy a few moments with my nephews (picture from July 2011).
On more personal note. This morning I have received a result of my latest scan. The tumors are unchanged. This means that I can continue with my work with Stage4CancerForum, which of today has almost 900 registered members. I will be here for a bit longer!
Please, do not hesitate to write your story or add to the discussion on the articles that have been already published!